y’ALL im stressed and that makes me do bad and impulsive things i can feel them a brewin
I’m so tired and I’m ignoring all my friends and I feel bad but ma I am so so so tired and sad
For a long time I thought I hated gin but it turned out what I actually hate is tonic water
Listen I’m not of the breed who complains all that often about people on the internet I’m not that “single boost 99 percent of people won’t read this like if you have a heart" andI try not to let stuff people say on the Internet get under my skin, cause what is The Fucking Point I’m trying to live a semi chill life here, but if this isn’t one of the most tone deaf self centered tasteless what the fuck is wrong with your priorities and what the hell are those priorities reflecting about you things I’ve ever encountered online, like what is Wrong With You, Kimberley Santos, a person who had like family and friends and maybe a dog or a partner or like, a house plant, or something is like that, is Properly Dead but you got spoiled for Game of Thrones and THAT is the sentiment you would like to express? UGH.
so my bf and I came across this free chair sitting on the side of the road…
We hope
SO
i fly into Vienna. kick it there for a bit. go to the Czech Republic for a month to work on max’s apple farm. go to Prague for a while, fall in love, so whenever any one asks about it i can say “the last time i was in Prague i was in love”. then to Copenhagen, party my face off and retreat to the Faeroe Islands to bird watch and feel like a folktale before heading to Iceland to like. Be In Iceland, my #1 Dream Dont Even Start Me. then Ireland, for five weeks. then maybe Lebanon, maybe somewhere else, before meeting up with Ellie in Paris, doing that, then Belgium, the Netherlands, Poland for Christmas with Kaz’s family, and a wrap up in Germany- Berlin for NYE, cottage in the Black Forest. back to Hawaii at the end of Feb.
its set, yall. im sabbatical set.
Ok so like ice cream and yogurt make me feel like my guts are being ground out through a sausage machine but cheese doesn’t bother me at all what up w that
I’ve been to so many listening parties in Istanbul I’m so scared for this city and what’s being lost there ugh
I think one of the most painful things about depression is this horrible shame and impossible to keep secret about not being able to care for yourself physically. Like I struggle to brush my teeth, which makes going to the dentist this nightmare of shame and embarrassment. I struggle to shower as often as I should, my metabolism is utterly fucked, my body aches so, so much from needing to lay down all the time from the sheer exhaustion, I can’t commit to the things that make me feel good, healthy, clean. I can’t do laundry and I pick constantly at scabs and moles and scars. And when you’re a woman and so much if your value is assigned to your looks it’s not even paranoia. It’s not paranoia that I worry about people (Other women, mostly) looking my appearance and picking it apart, seeing all the little ways depression makes me slip, the messy eyebrows, dirty fingernails, the bags bruised under my eyes. I feel repulsive because depression makes me repulsive, it’s not a delusion, it literally limits my capacity to care for my own body, like a toddler or something.
“It is June. Let’s hope
Someone is kind, just in time.”—Vanesha Pravin, from Disorder